


If you want, I can try and kiss it better

by Lerya



Series: Challenges (outside of discord) [7]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Grief/Mourning, I Tried, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Portgas D. Ace Needs a Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, insecure ace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27834958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lerya/pseuds/Lerya
Summary: Ace liked, no, loved being on the Moby Dick, even more so now that he was commander of the second division and could spend a lot of time doing what he loved doing, navigating.Only this slight crush on Marco was going to pose a problem, as he had no idea the man liked him back, or if he was imagining things. It was not like he was good enough for a man like Marco.
Relationships: Fushichou Marco | Phoenix Marco/Portgas D. Ace, Izou/Thatch (One Piece)
Series: Challenges (outside of discord) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970032
Comments: 3
Kudos: 115
Collections: One Piece Bingo 2020/2021





	If you want, I can try and kiss it better

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt internalized homophobia, which I tried to incorporate to the best of my abilities.

Ace had been on the Moby Dick for just over a year and had been named second division commander since 2 months, much to his surprise.

He hadn’t expected that, he had gotten along with a lot of the people from the second division, mostly because this were the people responsible for navigating them through the rough waters that were new world. Seeing as he had dubbed at navigator in the Spades, he liked to hang out and help them.

He wasn’t the best out there, but he had to admit that he felt the changes in the wind and temperature, meaning he knew when a storm was approaching, or when they would have rough weather that day – when the other navigators had noticed that, they had gone to Marco to ask if he could be put on extra shifts with them.

Since he had gotten those chances, he took them fully and enjoyed doing what he had loved before. Sabo had been the one between the three of them who was a great navigator, so, after his dead, Ace had taken it up, wanting to feel closer to the brother he had lost. It had helped when he formed the Spades, seeing as almost no one had a future as a pirate on their wish list, and as such didn’t have the preparation he had.

But he digresses, since getting more jobs at the second division, and making commander said division 2 months ago, he had noticed Marco coming to check up on him more often.

He had asked Thatch about it, and the man had told him the blond did this to everyone who was either new on the crew, or who had recently been made commander. The cook telling him he used to do that with Haruto too, the other commander the newest before Ace.

So, he knew he shouldn’t think to much about it, Marco was just doing his job, both as first mate, and as first division commander. Checking in on their new commander, even if he never spoke, Ace had to agree he liked the extra attention.

After all, the blond was easy on the eyes, and had all the qualities Ace looker for in a partner, which was where the problems started. He had bonded with Marco on the first weeks on the ship, as a crew member, seeing his as a friend, and he didn’t want to screw that up.

Add to that, that he hadn’t seen same sex couples on the ship either, which didn’t make it easier to know if he should tell them about his own preferences. After all, it took him a long time to admit he’d had his first crush on Sabo, so when the boy had died, he had seen it as a sign form the gods that he wasn’t put on this earth to love, and especially not another boy.

Those were thoughts he still struggled with and didn’t know who to talk about. Most of the Spades were either straight, or asexual, falling in love with adventure instead of with another person. He had assured them he hadn’t minded, and just wanted to go on adventures with them.

But even they didn’t know that he was actually gay, something he, himself, wasn’t totally okay with. Between the whole Sabo situation, he had heard both Dandan and Gramps talk about same-sex couples they had seen or known, and it never sounded all that positive.

So, coming out to either of them wasn’t an option either, telling Luffy wasn’t something he needed to do, as the younger boy only cared if you stole his food.

Now, being on this amazing, ship with an amazing crew and for the second time in his life, he felt like he belonged somewhere, and he didn’t want to screw that up.

He nodded to himself, he just wouldn’t tell anyone, he could ignore all this and be friends with Marco. Maybe when he found out that the ship welcomes those who loved the same sex, he would think about it, but before that, he would just keep his mouth shut.

They had stopped an island famous for their festivals, going on land to enjoy one of those, because Oyaji knew people in the village, and wanted to be here for whatever reason they were celebrating.

It didn’t take him long, to figure out that the festival they were partaking in, was a celebration for a marriage, people on this island got married on several set days on the year, after which they held an island wide festival.

After the first few couples had come by in the wedding procession, his eyes fell on two men who were beaming at the people around them, their hands clasped together.

He must have paled or shown any other reason for Thatch to suddenly stand next to him.

“Ace, you alright?”

Ace nodded, still looking at the two men walking past them.

Thatch hummed, “do you… Did the island you grew up on didn’t have same sex couples?”

Ace turned to look Thatch in the eyes, “I… I don’t know, I wasn’t that social as a kid, and mostly stuck to my foster family and brothers. I heard stories, but I don’t know for sure.”

Pausing for a moment, Ace looked at Thatch, “what do you think about it?”

Thatch gave a giant smile, “I kind of have to be, being bisexual and all that. Izo and I are together, I though everyone on the ship already knew that.”

Ace shook his head, “I hadn’t noticed.”

Thatch looked at him, a worried look on his face, “are you… ok? With LGBTQ+ people, I mean.”

Ace nodded, maybe a bit too fast, “I… I knew several people on the Spades who are ace, so I don’t have any problem with it.”

Thatch lifted and eyebrow, “but…?”

Ace worried his lip between his teeth, “I didn’t know how the others would think about it… I… I don’t know, I was scared, I guess. I never had to do something like that before…”

Thatch eyes widened, “Ace, are you still in the closet?”

Ace looked down, “I guess, I never had to tell anyone before, my little brother didn’t care, and my other brother died before I could come to terms with it.”

“What about your foster family?”

Ace shrugged, “I heard them talk about others on the island, and they didn’t seem to approve, so I never saw a need to tell them.”

Thatch gapped at him, “and you thought what, that everyone thinks like that?”

Ace shrugged again, “I don’t really know what to think, and I felt that after my first crush died, I wasn’t allowed to have those thoughts, so I tried to supress them… I… I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t really have someone out there who I could ask for advice.”

“So, you never…”

Ace shook his head, “can we… can we stop talking about this, please, I promise I have absolutely no problem with you and Izo, with anyone really, as long as they’re happy, but I’m not ready and I don’t know what to do with these thoughts.”

Thatch grinned, “so you have a crush?”

Ace blushed, looking down, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Thatch just laughed, leaving him standing there, while he went looking for Izo most likely.

Once they left the island, Ace had to agree he did have a lot of fun, he had gotten to know some of the people who had gotten married, among them the gay couple, and he had some great talks with them. So much even, that they had told him that Marco’s behaviour might also point out that the other man was interested too.

So, he had mulled it over and decided he would confess to Marco, tell him how he felt and see what happened from there.

As he was approaching the other’s cabin, he was stopped by a member of the first division who told him that Marco didn’t want to be disturbed, and if he wanted to talk to the other man, he would have to come back later.

Nodding, slightly confused, he turned around and left the first division corridor.

Later that day, he heard a rumour of Marco having had company in his cabin, an unknown lady had left the cabin late in the afternoon a smile on her face.

As usual, the whole ship was throwing rumours around, from it being a secret lover, to her being his wife – who was also a phoenix, to even her just being an escort he let come over periodically.

Ace was happy for Marco, he really was, but hearing all that made the courage disappear, his mind coming up with the same things it had done after Sabo’s dead, that he didn’t deserve those feelings and he shouldn’t have them.

To get his bearings again, he promised himself to avoid Marco for a few days, hoping that not seeing the blond man for a few days, he could get over these feelings and make everything back to normal.

He tried to do as inauspicious as he could, leaving the room as the blond entered, starting his meal a lot sooner than he did before, knowing Marco was one of the last ones in the mess hall.

He felt like it helped, until he was cornered by the man in the navigation room, one evening when he was the only one still there, having taken a night shift to be sure they kept on the right course.

“You know, I’d like to know what I did for you to ignore me-yoi”, a voice sounded from behind him, the door closing after.

Turning around he saw Marco leaning against the door, an inquiring look in his eyes.

Ace held up his hands, shaking his head, “you didn’t do anything, I wasn’t ignoring you.”

Lifting an eyebrow, Marco set off from the door until he was standing in front of Ace.

“That’s odd, because I saw you leaving the room every time I entered in, the last week. And Thatch told me you suddenly started coming to the mess hall as one of the first ones there, instead of one of the last, like me-yoi.”

Ace shrugged, “must be coincidence.”

The eyebrow stayed up, “really Ace, you leave the room I enter for a week and it should just be coincidence-yoi?”

“Must be, I didn’t do it intentional.”

Marco sighed, “do you know that people look down and slightly to the left when they lie? You just do that, so I know you’re lying, Ace. Want to tell me the real reason-yoi.”

Ace mumbled something.

“You’re going to have to repeat that-yoi.”

Sighing, Ace gathered his courage, “I was trying to create some distance, so I’d get over this stupid crush I have on you.”

When the blond didn’t say anything, Ace continued, “I know you had company a week ago, so yeah, I know it isn’t reciprocated, and I didn’t want to make things awkward. So, yeah, I tried to create some distance.”

Marco suddenly started laughing, making Ace feel like a fool, was it that funny that he did what he did.

Turning around again, he hoped the shadow of his had hid the tears in his eyes, to hear his crush laughing at him wasn’t all that pleasant.

Getting up, he walked past Marco, going out on the deck, and looking up at the stars in the sky, noticing that they were still on route.

Wiping his eyes, he made sure to stay outside for some time, wanting to make sure the other was gone from the navigation room before he entered it again. He had suspected it would be a stupid idea to tell Marco, but he hadn’t expected getting laughed at.

Footsteps behind him, made him look over his shoulder, only to scowl as he saw Marco approaching.

“Come to laugh at me some more because I really don’t need that right now. I was already backing off, I’ll make sure you won’t be seeing me for some time to come, don’t worry.”

He turned again, hoping to just go to the navigation room and locking the door.

Before he got there, a hand gripped his arm, making him look up at the other commander, the look in his eyes must have scared the blond, since he let go, holding up his hands.

“I… I wasn’t laughing at you, Ace-yoi.”

“Yeah, well, it surely seemed like that.”

Marco shook his head, “I just found it funny you believed the rumours flying around-yoi.”

Ace shrugged his shoulders; it wasn’t like he knew everyone as well as Marco would know them all. Rumours were a way of getting information on the seas, as some truth is always in them.

Marco ran a hand through his hair, “Rei is one of the nurses who lives on Moby 2, she came to see me to ask for some time off. I asked for some time alone, as I wanted to know why, but she seemed hesitant to tell me. She told me she was pregnant and wanted to have the baby on her home island. She was scared I, or Oyaji wouldn’t approve of that, but of course we did. That’s the reason I had a locked door for so long, and why a woman left with a smile on her face-yoi.”

Ace looked at the other man, turning around again, he had misread a situation again, then.

He kept his back towards the other commander.

“Ace, I’m really flattered you have a crush on me-yoi.”

Ace clenched his hands, here it would come. Of course, no one would want to start a relationship with him.

“It’s alright Marco, you don’t have to say anything more, I got the hint. It’s just a little crush, it’ll fade.”

As he started walking again, a hand was on his arms again, turning him around fast enough that he was dizzy after.

“Marco, what…”

Before he could say anything else, slightly plumper lips were pressed to his.

When Marco pulled back, he stared at the other, “I was trying to come up with words to tell you I feel the same way-yoi.”

Gaping for a moment, Ace didn’t know what to say, he never thought he would ever get this, another person who would feel the same way, who would like to take that step with him.

He must have started crying, or something, as Marco was wiping at his cheeks in the next moment.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry-yoi.”

Ace shook his head, “I… I didn’t think I was allowed to have this.”

Marco tilted his head, “what-yoi, a crush.”

Ace shrugged, “last person I had a crush on died, so yeah, thought it was fate punishing me or something.”

Marco hummed, before wrapping his arms around him, “those are some dark thoughts.”

Ace shrugged again, “I have a lot of those.”

A hand was suddenly in front of his eyes, blue fire at the fingertips, “I’m always willing to heal with my flames, or I can just kiss them away.”

Ace gave a wet chuckle, “I would… I wouldn’t mind trying that.”

Feeling lips on his again, the arm around his waist tightening, he was glad to have been able to put some of those thoughts aside and listened to what others had told him, that Marco might just feel the same. He would gladly take the blond up on his promise to kiss those thoughts away, he was a great kisser after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to add me on discord Lerya#6444. I also have a channel on discord for my fics, so feel free to ask to be added to that too.  
> Or send me an e-mail: lerya.fanfic@gmail.com  
> Or follow me on tumblr: lerya-fanfic.tumblr.com


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